My daughter is alive. She is not of my womb. She is in China. She will be born off a plane from paperwork, official stamps and travels instead of my womb. I will never feel her kick or push her little heel on my belly. There will never be morning sickness or aversions to popcorn. Yet still, I feel her. I sense her. She is somewhere right now. I cannot hold her and rock her to sleep. I cannot sing to her a lullaby. I cannot hold her close as I feed her nor can I whisper in her ear “I love you”. Yet, in this moment, I sense that she has needs. She is in a crib somewhere in China, alone, with no mommy to care for her most basic needs. No daddy to play airplane and soar through the sky in his firm secure hands. No brother or sister to play and giggle with. No grandma to kiss her soft hands. No grandpa to tickle her cheek with his beard. She is an orphan, alone, somewhere in China. I don’t know who she is. I have not seen her face. I have not been handed her file. I have not yet chosen her. But she was chosen for me. She was chosen for all of us. This is all so new and so foreign that it is hard to process. Yet, I feel her right now. I know she is somewhere in this world. She is in China. And with each day that passes with no news, I grow more and more anxious to meet her. These thoughts come in so often. And like contractions, they attack closer together each day. I dream of her at night. And think of her by day. Today is 316 days of this “pregnancy” and I am way overdue. I’m ready. Where are you China Joy? When will we see your face and get to hold you and be with you? Soon. I hope soon. And this waiting will be a thing of a distant past. Forgotten, because we will finally be together. Family. And you. No longer an orphan.
#chosenforJoy #Chinaadoption #teamJoyadoption #Joyoffourplusonemore